What you should know when you see your therapist in public: a quick guide
What happens if you see your therapist in public? What can you say if you run into them at a grocery store, doctor's office, or at a wedding? Should you say hello? Can you have a conversation? Do you have to start running?
While it's understandable to feel uncertain or nervous about seeing your therapist outside of the therapy room (especially if they are your new therapist), there are a couple of things to know that may help you feel more comfortable about this experience. Keep reading for a quick guide to what you can (and shouldn't) do when it comes to seeing your therapist outside of the office.
First of all, it's actually not really a big deal
It can feel awkward and uncomfortable to encounter your therapist "in the wild". Don't worry, though - it's totally expected (and okay) for both you and your therapist to go about their day like anyone else. We all need to grab food and get out of the house, after all! If you see your therapist in the store or somewhere else outside of a therapy session, don't feel like you have to hide, avoid eye contact, or run away from them. In fact, this is almost certainly something your therapist has experienced before. Between you and their other patients, there have been plenty of opportunities to see clients in their personal life. In fact, they probably spoke about these exact sorts of run ins when they were in grad school, during other parts of their professional training, or just when they were around other therapists!
What am I allowed to say?
Seeing your therapist in public is perfectly normal, and there's really no need to be worried. It can be a good opportunity to say hello, chat briefly about something unrelated to therapy, and even ask how the therapist's day or week is going. In fact, there are actually not any specific laws prohibiting what you can or can't say to your own therapist. The only rule really is what you feel comfortable doing in this situation. Otherwise, it's the same rules as talking to anyone else. You can't break confidentiality for yourself!
You don't have to say too much, it could just be friendly small talk such as chatting about the weather. If you prefer it, you can even say nothing and pretend you didn't just run into your therapist buying toilet paper in aisle seven. Whatever you choose to say or not say, just remember that all that happened is you saw a person you know in public. Even though it might feel uncomfortable or anxiety-provoking, it is certainly not going to impact a whole moving forward.
Don't stress about what to say, but try to keep things somewhat brief!
So while you are actually legally in the clear, you still should remember that your therapist is a person who is not currently working with you in a professional capacity. While therapists do not tend to think of their clients as "work," they are not in a space where they can provide treatment outside of the therapy office. They also need their own space for self-care and to recharge their own batteries after the challenging work of therapy.
So when talking to your therapist, try to be somewhat brief and respectful of their personal time. There's no hard rule on this, but good warning signs are if you feel like you're talking about something that you would want to bring up in a session or will take a good amount of time to discuss. Hopefully, you like your therapist and you may want to give them an update on all the things you have worked on or noticed since your last session. Maybe you want their feedback on something you said or did that has been stuck on your mind. That's all great stuff! But to respect both the boundaries of your therapy, take a mental note and leave it at "I can't wait until we have our next appointment."
Why your therapist might not say "Hi" to you first
Don't be surprised if you run into your therapist at the grocery store or a restaurant, yet they don't initiate contact. You might be surprised to learn they are often legally prevented from doing so. This is a confidentiality and privacy measure to protect both you and your therapist out of respect for your therapeutic relationship.
Imagine this. You are out walking with your friends and you see your therapist. They say "Hi" and you respond back. Your friends introduce themselves and ask "how do you know this person." You and your therapist are stuck!
If your therapist told your friends that you are their client, they are actually revealing your private information and breaking confidentiality. Additionally, if they put you in a situation where you have to tell a friend who this random person (i.e. your therapist) is, they are putting you in a potentially privacy-breaking situation. However, this information is legally yours, so you are 100% able to start a conversation with your therapist. If are with a friend, they will still respond but would likely not reference anything therapy related until you do. Even if you do reveal that you are their patient, therapists are prohibited from revealing anything you spoke about in session.
What about the specific place I see them?!
You might feel stressed or second-guess yourself! It can be especially true for those of us who have trouble with small talk or might wish we could just plan all of our social meetings in advance. But then it happens! You make eye contact with someone and it feels weird not to say something.
While it's normal for something like this to be stressful, in most situations the same rules apply. If you see them walking around or sitting somewhere, there's no problem saying "hi" and having a brief conversation. This might be in a store, theater, park, or just the same building or outdoor space you happen to be in.
One thing to look out for is if they are in the middle of something or with a friend or their family. This is likely a time they are away from their professional responsibilities. Saying hi to someone is not typically an intrusion nor is having a quick conversation where you might express that "it's good to see you" or ask "what brings you out here?" But make sure you are respectful of their time as well!
When you see them in the Extra Awkward Places
Sometimes it's hard to imagine a therapist outside of an office setting. They work hard at maintaining boundaries and often avoid going into detail about their personal details. The therapy process can be a powerful experience that drives you to new realizations and challenges longstanding patterns. However, with the focus largely on the patient, you might be surprised to learn some details about their life. While you might not be fully surprised that most therapists have their own interests and relationships that you don't know about, seeing therapist in public can lead to you finding out much more about them.
So just like the rest of us, therapists have their own life with all the awkwardness that brings. Many are actively dating and you might see them on a romantic night on the town. You might learn about a longstanding husband or wife in the same way. Perhaps they are with a new partner that they are just starting to get to know. They could even be on a dating app you both have profiles on (please don't try to match with them). One of the most awkward run-ins could be if you and/or your therapist have had a few (or more) drinks at a bar or a festival! Alternatively, they could be in a different vulnerable situation like if they are with family members at a hospital or at a medical appointment of their own.
So what do you if this happens? Luckily, the same rules apply. You are able to say hi and acknowledge that you are both present in the same room. However, in some cases, it might be better to keep things as brief as possible. One good rule of thumb is to put yourself in their shoes. Ask yourself, "is this something that requires their attention like a date or if they are with a friend" or "are they in a state where they might not be able to respond to me comfortably?" If the answer is yes, a "hello" or a "nice to see you." After all, you will certainly be able to say anything more at your next session.
Should I talk about my "therapist sighting" in therapy?
Of course! It is absolutely something you can (and probably should) bring up in therapy! The therapeutic relationship is built on openness and trust. When there is something about this relationship that is unspoken or just feels awkward, it is usually best to bring it up. These unexpected encounters might lead to some interesting conversations and clear up some misunderstandings you ran into. So if you were feeling worried about whether you "did something wrong" or wondered why your therapist reacted a certain way, acknowledge it! Try to bring it up in the first session you have after you see them outside of an office setting. It would most likely help your treatment goals if you practice having potentially awkward things discussed!
Overall, you both have a personal life and that's okay!
Even if you have a great relationship with your therapist, it might still be uncomfortable seeing them out and about. It's sort of like seeing your elementary school teacher outside of school. Even though you saw them all the time, those random run-ins can fry your brain and make you anxious! So no worries if you feel uncomfortable when this happens but just know it is a possibility for anyone receiving therapy!
It's actually bound to happen if you live in a small town or have similar interests. You are allowed to say hi and be respectful, but try your best to keep the conversation short. It might be up to you to introduce the conversation as they need to protect your privacy, and may not acknowledge you first. This is something you can and should talk about during your therapy sessions. If this has happened to you, I hope this article helps you understand what you are allowed to say or do. If this hasn't happened yet, it may be a good idea to ask your therapist what you should do in this scenario. It is especially recommended if you are in a small town or are in other situations where you would likely have some overlap. Maybe you have the same doctor/doctors or your kids go to the same school. You will likely feel much less awkward if have a game plan in place so you can imagine what it will be like. But if not, feel free to review this article if you ever run into your therapist outside of their office!
