Finding the Way to Say Goodbye: Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy
Loss is a painful, overwhelming, and unfortunately inevitable aspect of human life. Navigating the pain of grief while still carving out a meaningful future can be an arduous journey – however, having support throughout this process is invaluable. Working with a mental health professional in therapy or in grief counseling services not only helps give you a space for all your thoughts and emotions surrounding the loss but it can provide you the clarity needed to take action towards living fully once more, honoring those we’ve lost without allowing ourselves to become stagnant in deep sadness. In this article, we will explore how grief counseling or grief therapy aims to build through remembrance rather than stand still in our mourning, supporting us as we honor our past while actively moving forward into our future.
But first, let's explore what grief is and what it looks like.
What Do We Mean By Grief and Why It’s Important to Acknowledge Its Impact
Grief is an overarching term. It refers to a range of emotions that arise in response to loss, the present absence of what was once dearly valued. It is sometimes described as “a rollercoaster ride” because of its contrasting, often intense emotions - including denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Now, unlike what you may have learned, these are not a sequence of "stages" but some of the common reactions we have through the process of grief. A person's relationship with loss will look different depending on who they are and the circumstances surrounding their loss.
This journey can be painful, but it is necessary for eventual healing and processing. In fact, this pain can be seen as sign of how important something or someone was in their lives. Acknowledging our grief is first step to adapting and finding meaning after our loss. Like many hard truths, it can be easy to deny and/or struggle with. Let's take a look at how grief can show up in our lives and the many ways and reasons we can grieve.
What Does Grief Look Like? Can We Grieve Those Who Are Not Dead?
Grief can take on many different forms. For many of us, we often think of grief as a reaction to loss stemming from the death of a loved one or someone else who is important in our lives. Now losing a spouse, family member, or close friend can be an earth-shattering change to your life but it is far from the only source of grief.
Other major events such as the ending of a relationship or marriage, loss of a job, or changes in our or our loved one's physical health can mean we face an immense disruption to our lives. We feel the grief of that loss. We also don't have to wait for a person to die for us to experience grief; they may be diagnosed with a terminal illness or begin hospice care. Our grief response can often begin while the specific person is still with us.
But what does grief look like specifically? Like we said, it's different for everyone but common themes can emerge. With any drastic change to our lives, we face a new world. We might feel more anxious or scared, unsure of how we can adapt to the loss of support or comfort something or someone has given us. We may become stuck in a loop, thinking over and over again about the loss, even if we try to distract ourselves. We may get angry at individuals for things outside of their control, like dying or getting sick, looking to place the blame somewhere rather than allowing ourselves to experience the grief. These are difficult emotions to feel and can be complex as we try to make sense of them. For many of us, we may feel guilty, feeling we could have done something to prevent this horrible loss from occurring or could have spent more time with that person. While these are normal experiences that occur, they often become less burdensome over time. For some of us, we can get caught in a cycle of grief and guilt, struggling to move forward.
What is "Healthy Grief" and When Might Help Be Necessary?
Grieving is an important process and a normal part of life. As time passes, we learn to accept the loss of a loved one even though we may never stop missing them. Healthy grief can look different depending on the individual. For many bereaved people, it includes attending a funeral or memorial service, connecting with friends and family who are also in mourning, as well as taking time to visit grave sites or visiting unique places that remind us of them. It can be important to celebrate that person's life with others and connect with others who were impacted by the loss. Many feel guilty or sad when celebrating special occasions such as marriage anniversaries or birthdays without their loved ones but these events can provide meaningful connections to the happy memories shared together. For those losing a different, major part of their life like their marriage or job, we can lack the same grief resources that exist for those bereaved. Still, common healthy coping mechanisms will often look similar such as drawing on friends and family members, exercising or creative activities, and working through challenges with a mental health professional.
While "grieving periods" look different for us all, a typical rule of thumb is if the loss is seriously impacting your ability to work, relate to others, and function in your life longer than 6 months, you may need to work through your grief in therapy. If feelings of depression, anger, anxiety, guilt, or other difficult emotions linger beyond that time period, or, if you would like to ease the journey within this "normal period," you would likely benefit from additional support.
Complicated Grief? When Does Grief Become "Disordered"?
While grief is a challenging yet common part of life, it can at times present difficulties beyond what is considered "normal". One related condition referred to as Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) is a psychological disorder that can occur after the death of a loved one. It is characterized by intense emotional distress, as well as a range of physical, cognitive, and behavioral symptoms that persist for longer than six months after the significant loss. Symptoms of PGD may include difficulty concentrating, trouble sleeping, intrusive thoughts or memories related to the deceased, difficulty accepting the reality of death, and avoidance of activities formerly enjoyed. People with PGD may also experience changes in appetite or weight gain and loss, distressing emotions such as guilt or shame, depression, suicidal ideation, and social isolation.
According to research, approximately 7-10 percent of Americans who have experienced a loss of a loved one experience complicated grief. This accounts for millions of United States-based individuals. However, the prevalence rate increases to 20 percent when accounting for subclinical symptoms. In other words, people who do not meet the diagnostic criteria for PGD but still display some signs or symptoms associated with it are at higher risk for developing it down the line if left untreated.
The stress of grief may also bring up additional challenges like pre-existing or dormant mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and trauma disorders. It is important to work with a qualified mental health professional who can distinguish grief from other psychological conditions that negatively influence a person's life.
What Does Grief Therapy Look Like?
Therapy for grief looks different for each individual person. However, the intention is always the same - to explore feelings and find a way to honor loss while also finding ways to move forward in life. As such, therapy is based on creating a safe environment in which two people can build trust so that the process of healing can happen. Depending on the circumstances, therapy could involve writing letters or having discussions about memories and experiences around the person lost. Whatever it looks like, for the individual client, therapy for grief aims to create a space where participants are given the room for self-expression, with the goal to ultimately accept past losses with love and understanding.
What are the Benefits of Therapy for Grief and Loss?
Talk therapy can be incredibly helpful in managing grief and life transitions. Through therapy, people are able to process and make meaning of their losses in a safe environment. It can provide the tools needed to better understand life’s changes while learning to accept what has already transpired and adjust as needed. This can include broadening one's support system, developing coping strategies for painful emotions, and identifying ways to successfully move through the painful process of the grieving period (funeral arrangements, finding support groups, updating social media ) in a healthy manner. Despite any sorrow or hurt that may linger, it is also natural for life to continue evolving, providing moments of growth and connection. With appropriate care and understanding, therapy assists us in our journey to remember those who have been lost with joy, appreciation, and insight.
What Does Research Suggest About Therapy for Grief and Loss?
Numerous studies have looked into the effectiveness of therapy in assisting individuals to process grief and loss. This body of research has consistently found that therapy can be hugely beneficial, as it provides a supportive environment where individuals can express their feelings about the event which has caused them distress in a safe and constructive manner. Therapy also gives people the opportunity to learn techniques to cope with their difficult emotions and adjust to life now that the event has occurred. Additionally, it promotes growth and resilience by helping them to find meaning and purpose in their lives again. In this way, therapy can greatly assist people on their journey toward living a full, meaningful life despite their loss.
For example, a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found that individuals who received talk therapy for their grief showed significant improvement in their symptoms compared to those who did not receive grief talk therapy. The study also found that the benefits of therapy were maintained over time, showing that psychotherapy can provide long-term relief for those struggling with grief.
Another study published in the journal Psychotherapy and Psychosomatics examined the efficacy of a specific type of psychotherapy called cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) for grief. The study found that CBT was effective in reducing symptoms of grief, including anxiety and depressive symptoms. In addition, the study found that CBT helped individuals develop coping skills and strategies to manage their grief in the long term. These findings highlight the effectiveness of psychotherapy, in helping individuals cope with grief and move forward in their lives.
Honor the Past While Moving Forward
Grief is an essential part of learning to live and experience the fullness of life after a loss. You may be grieving the death of loved ones, or the ending of relationships, opportunities, and aspirations. No matter the circumstances surrounding your loss, it's important to acknowledge, process, and manage grief in order to create space for healthy and emotionally balanced lives. Fortunately, therapy can provide ad space to explore difficult feelings such as guilt, loss, and anger while allowing someone to continue moving forward in life without being stuck in their grief. Therapy sessions can help provide coping skills to manage emotions, help you draw on existing relationships, and generally improve your mental health. Research suggests that it's beneficial to seek professional help at any point in the grieving process – addressing unhealthy responses sooner rather than later may shorten their duration and long-term impact. So if you or someone you know is dealing with grief, it’s highly recommended to reach out for support from a licensed mental health professional – it could make all the difference in navigating loss and finding purpose again. No one should be afraid or embarrassed to seek professional help if they are struggling with unresolved loss: individuals have the right to heal from pain experienced due to loss and uncover new ways to cultivate joy within their life journeys.
How to find Grief Counselors or Grief Therapy Providers
Interested in moving forward in your grieving process? Consider a consultation with Grand Prix Psychology. Through an evidence-based, individualized approach, we work with you to work through challenges and realign yourself with what is most important.
Not the right fit? Check out these resources to help find a grief counselor or therapist
Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
Therapist Finder: https://www.findatherapist.com/
or Contact your insurance company!
